Saturday, July 21, 2007

Tabloid update: "Bush Heart Drama as Marriage Crumbles"

This week's Globe cover story is no fun at all. It makes a pretty convincing case that President Bush has been secretly receiving medical treatment for "atrial fibrillation, an uneven heart rate that can cause sudden death."

The Globe quotes "a longtime Texas supporter" and "an Ohio political activist" who think the president has been making excuses to visit Ohio--48 times since he was elected--in order to see a heart specialist at the highly regarded Cleveland Clinic.

The tabloid says this all started when the president allegedly choked on a pretzel and fainted back in January, 2002. The fainting spell was actually caused by the irregular heartbeat, the Globe says Bush was told by his doctors. Shortly thereafter, the bulky outline of a device called a LifeVest was visible under the back of Bush's shirts and jackets.

If you'd like to see pictures of President Bush apparently wearing the LifeVest during one of the 2004 debates with Senator John Kerry, click here.

The LifeVest -- here's the link to the Cleveland Clinic's web page about the device -- is "a personal defibrillator worn by a patient at risk for sudden cardiac arrest (SCA). It monitors the patient’s heart continuously, and if the patient goes into a life-threatening arrhythmia, the LifeVest delivers a shock treatment to restore the patient’s heart to normal rhythm."

At least it settles the argument over whether President Bush is more like Richard Nixon or more like Lyndon Johnson. If he has successfully hidden a life-threatening health condition for his entire presidency, he's more like John F. Kennedy.

The rest of the Globe article is pretty much what they've been reporting for the last twelve months, but since we promised to keep you updated, here are the highlights:

"On top of his heart worries, Bush is terrified that Laura will walk out on him and file for divorce, leaving him humiliated and alone." Laura has "finally given up" trying to get the president to "stop boozing," and now, fed up with "his increased moodiness and his relationship with Condoleezza Rice," she has concluded that "his personality has changed" and he's not the man she married. He is "desperate to keep her," but she is "just as desperate to get out."

The Globe story concludes by reporting that "respected psychoanalyst and George Washington University professor Dr. Justin Frank worked up a psychological profile of the president and found megalomania, delusions of persecution and omnipotence, and a sadistic indifference to others' pain."

Which just goes to prove that nothing in a tabloid is news.

Copyright 2007