Tabloid update: "Obama Marriage Explodes!"
America Wants To Know likes to keep you up-to-date on the latest stories from the supermarket tabloids, and this week the paper that jumped into our hands at the checkstand was the National Enquirer.
"Obama Marriage Explodes!" the cover screams in bright yellow block letters. It promises "All the shocking details," including "Wife confronts him over cheating," "Love Notes," and "Photos."
Yes, well, not so fast.
Inside, we learn from a "close source":
"When they first decided to get into politics, Barack agreed to tell all, but now Michelle wants to be sure he's been completely honest. She worries there are women from his past who could destroy them."
And then, the "close source" spills this:
"Call it women's intuition, but Michelle is locked onto this notion and isn't backing down. She's afraid there could even be pictures or love notes that could humiliate them."
The Enquirer goes on to reveal that Barack Obama insists there are no women, no love notes, and no photos.
And that is what the National Enquirer used to splash its front cover with a story that makes the Obama marriage look quite a lot like the Clinton marriage.
Gosh, who would have a motive to do such a thing?
America Wants To Know will not wake up its in-house detective on a Sunday morning for this one.
We have a "close source" -- actually it's the web site for Williams & Connolly -- to confirm that there is, in fact, a direct link between the Clintons and the National Enquirer.
His name is David E. Kendall, and he is a partner in the Washington D.C. law firm, Williams & Connolly, LLP.
Mr. Kendall's biography cheerfully admits, "He began representing President and Mrs. Clinton in November 1993, in what was ostensibly a small savings and loan matter involving Whitewater Development Company, Inc. He went on to represent the Clintons in a variety of matters, including Independent Counsel, Senate, House of Representatives, FDIC, RTC, and bar counsel investigations, civil litigation, and the 1998-99 impeachment proceedings, and currently represents them in three civil matters."
They certainly keep him busy.
But Mr. Kendall also found time, his biography reports, to represent publications including the "National Enquirer (where he supervised prepublication copy review for over a decade and a half)."
A decade and a half.
Do you think, in fifteen years of supervising prepublication copy review, he made a few contacts in the editorial offices?
Well, all right, so we're cynical.
But you have to admit, it's perfectly logical for the Clintons to want to convince voters that no politician's marriage is any different from the Clintons' marriage. You can almost hear the dinner table conversation that takes place just before the pollster calls:
"I'm not voting for Hillary because her husband cheats on her and it's going to be a zoo in that White House."
"Don't be naive, all politicians cheat and lie. Obama's no different. His wife caught him cheating and there are love notes and photos, and they're no different than the Clintons."
The fact that there are no love notes and no photos and nobody caught Barack Obama cheating will not be obvious because only America Wants To Know actually went to the trouble of reading this tripe.
For the record, we greatly prefer the Globe. When the Globe tells you "Laura Claws Boozing Bush," you can take it to the bank.
Editor's note: You might be interested in the earlier post, "What Barack Obama didn't say."