Saturday, June 14, 2008

The $300,000 rape joke

Today, Senator John McCain panicked and canceled a fundraiser scheduled for Monday at the home of Texas oilman Clayton Williams, a man who has already gone to the trouble of pressuring his friends and associates into donating $300,000 to John McCain's presidential campaign.

What, you may be wondering, could send a man like John McCain into a panic?

It was a couple of questions from ABC News and the Washington Post about something Clayton Williams said when he was running for Texas governor in 1990.

Mr. Williams was hosting a campaign event on his West Texas ranch and he made a joke about the weather.

"As long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it," he said.

It was just a tasteless stupid sex joke.

There's no law against tasteless stupid sex jokes, and there won't be, not as long as Hollywood has two United States Senators.

He wasn't even talking about women. He certainly wasn't talking about his opponent, Ann Richards.

It was just a joke.

America Wants To Know does understand that it's obnoxious to suggest that rape can be enjoyable as long as you're in the right frame of mind.

We won't link you to the pages of ten thousand movies from the 1930s through early 1960s that say otherwise.

We understand, not every rapist is Clark Gable.

But you should understand that Clayton Williams is eighty-six years old.

America Wants To Know has always had a personal sexual harassment policy that grandfathered out any man born before World War II.

Anyone younger should know better, but anyone older can call us "Sweetie" and tell sexist jokes and we're not going to court over it.

John McCain was born in 1936, but he's running for president, and not everyone will cut him as much slack on these things as we will.

Feminist sensibilities are like a foreign language to a man born before World War II. Senator McCain has studied and studied and he's trying, really he is, to get the accent just right. He desperately wants the votes of the women who supported Hillary Clinton.

But he has no earthly idea what they think about anything.

So when ABC News and the Washington Post raised the question of Clayton Williams' insensitive comments -- from eighteen years ago -- John McCain panicked and pulled the plug on Monday's fundraiser.

He's not giving up the $300,000 that Clayton Williams has already raised for him. Not yet, anyway. Not until he's absolutely sure that women are upset about Mr. Williams' comments.

And he's not all that sure.

He has no idea, actually.

We're happy to give Senator McCain some free advice on this subject.

Senator, you'll never get the votes of Hillary Clinton's supporters, not even if you stand on your head and deliver a baby through your navel on national television.

Hillary Clinton was supported by every woman who has ever been hurt and insulted and chose to stay in the relationship anyway.

They love Hillary Clinton because she's smart and talented and respected and she made the same choice. She makes them feel better about themselves. She makes their self-esteem go right through the roof.

Universal health care is just window-dressing.

If John McCain wanted to win over the votes of Hillary Clinton's supporters, he shouldn't have left his long-suffering first wife for a beautiful young rodeo-queen heiress with blonde hair.

They hate that.

So here's some free advice for the Obama campaign: See if you can talk Barbara Walters into hiring John McCain's first wife to co-host The View.

And here's some free advice for Clayton Williams: Ask John McCain for your $300,000 back and tell him to get lost. Next time, back a candidate who knows how to win a damn war!

Copyright 2008