Sunday, September 27, 2009

Tabloid update: "Obama's Secret Enemies List"

The cover of this week's Globe tabloid prominently features a picture of President Barack Obama, elegantly dressed in a gray suit with an American flag lapel pin, staring suspiciously at the reader next to the headline, "Obama's Secret Enemies List!"

In a "world exclusive," the magazine reveals "25 names -- WHO the president wants to silence and WHY!"

Glenn Beck, Pat Boone, Toby Keith and Sarah Palin are pictured on the cover next to the president's disapproving glare.

"Under relentless assault from a mob of vicious critics," the story begins, "President Barack Obama has drawn up a secret list of enemies he aims to take down -- one by one!"

The Globe reports that President Obama had been inclined to view the attacks as part of the job, but first lady Michelle Obama -- pictured in a sleeveless pink dress flexing her arms -- urged him to fight back lest he be "branded a wimp."

"Obama is going to do whatever he can to discredit these people," the Globe's insider reports, "He wants them silenced!"

According to the Globe, this was the reason President Obama had lunch with former President Bill Clinton in New York on September 14. Mr. Obama, looking for a way to "counterattack his enemies," sought advice from Mr. Clinton.

"Bill is a real street fighter," the Globe's insider said, "He spent eight years dealing with withering criticism from his political rivals. But he knew how to fight back. The Republicans just couldn't beat him. He knows all the dirty tricks."

Don't look at us, that's what it said.

According to the Globe, President Clinton has met "several times" with President Obama to discuss the problem of dealing with his enemies.

So if you happen to read that Pat Boone, who wrote that he'd like to see President Obama's real birth certificate, is trailer-park trash, or that Sarah Palin, who wrote that she doesn't want her parents or her disabled child forced to stand in front of Obama's death panels to prove they're worthy of health care, is a stalker, or that Glenn Beck, who publicized the background and beliefs of now-dumped green jobs czar Van Jones, came on to him when Hillary was out of the country, don't believe it.

The 25 names on the "Roster of Revenge," in case you're wondering, are: Glenn Beck, Larry Sinclair, Joe Wilson, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, Orly Taitz, Pat Boone, Jon Voight, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Rupert Murdoch, Jesse Jackson, Dick Cheney, Bill O'Reilly, Toby Keith, Rex Rammell, Hank Williams Jr., Steven Anderson, Saul Anuzis, Bill Cunningham, Paul Krugman, John Rich, Wiley Drake, Alex Jones and Michelle Malkin.

Oddly, the Globe left Humana off the enemies list even though it received an actual gag order from the Obama administration when it tried to tell its Medicare Advantage enrollees that the Obama plan for health care reform would result in cuts to their benefits.

"It has come to our attention," Republicans on the House Energy and Commerce Committee wrote to Chairman Henry Waxman last week, "that the Centers for Medicaid and Medicare Services (CMS) recently ordered insurance companies to cease communications to their customers about potential Congressional cuts to the Medicare Advantage program. Given the White House's support for these changes to Medicare Advantage, we are greatly troubled that the Administration may be abusing its resources to stifle criticism of the bills moving through Congress."

The congressmen demanded to see "the full list of insurance companies targeted by CMS for their communications" and "the origination of Acting Director Teresa DeCaro’s decision to issue gag orders."

So far, silence.

Copyright 2009

Editor's note: You might be interested in the earlier posts, "How Michelle Obama killed 'green jobs'" and "Henry Waxman's optional Constitution."