HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody? Special Counsel Robert Mueller was reported set to submit his report to the Attorney General on the Trump-Russia collusion investigation, with House Democrats expressing worry it may not produce a crime. On Monday, Nancy Pelosi called off impeachment. So see, you CAN blink on Botox. Chicago’s Cook County Jail released R. Kelly again Thursday after Kelly was able to make his two-hundred-fifty thousand dollar back-due child support. The next day, I purchased my very first R. Kelly album. And it’s impressive stuff, I’d go so far as to say he could be the next Michael Jackson. HBO’s graphic Leaving Neverland documentary on Michael Jackson’s depraved private life prompted radio stations around the world to take Jackson’s music off the air. The saga just never ends. Last week Michael Jackson’s statue was taken down in England, and was put back up in the Vatican. Hollywood celebrities were busted by the feds Tuesday bribing elite college officials to get their kids admitted to the schools. Colleges today operate a racket that can best be described as a reverse kidnapping. They demand one hundred thousand dollars from you or they will return your kids to you. Jay Leno ripped the three network talk late-night talk shows in an interview Tuesday, saying they have become political pep rallies. These hosts are NOT the comedian-grandsons of Johnny Carson. Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert walk into a bar, then lower the bar. Democratic House Members disagreed publicly Monday with the DNC’s decision not to hold any presidential debates on Fox News. They must be careful about the moderators. Let’s face it, three beautiful blondes at a Democratic debate would spoil their vibe like a straight actor on Bravo. Orchids of Asia Massage Parlor owner Nancy Li Yang was identified as a peddler of access to President Trump. Her customers get a choice. They can give her one hundred thousand dollars and they just might see the president or they can give her seventy-nine dollars and they WILL see God. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was preaching socialism to an enraptured young audience at an Austin conference. A poll came out Monday saying half of young people in America say they want to live in a socialist country. They already would if they could, but they can’t afford to live in Santa Monica. Car and Driver magazine published a disturbing auto safety report about the automatic breaks system on Tesla’s driverless automobiles. It appears that the driverless Tesla may not stop for dark-skinned pedestrians. In fact Tesla’s driverless Southern police car chases them down the sidewalk. The Centers for Disease Control issued a report on the obesity epidemic revealing that the top twelve states in obesity rates in the United States are Southern states A Mississippi cafeteria was evacuated last week when police investigated a suspicious package. Turns out it was just a salad. An English soccer fan was arrested after he sneaked onto the field, stole the opposing goalie’s water bottle, urinated in it then returned it without the goalie noticing. It’s okay now. The man was bailed out of jail by a Philadelphia Eagles fans in exchange for the American rights to the stunt. The Los Angeles Times reported that the racetrack at Santa Anita has been shut down after twenty-one horses have died as a result of horseracing at the track in the last two months. That’s awful news. On the other hand, the McDonald’s at Santa Anita just introduced the Trigger Burger. The Mattel Corporation in Los Angeles celebrated sixty years since they introduced the Barbie Doll Monday with a video of past Barbie commercials. She’s finally hit sixty. Mattel celebrated her birthday with a settlement that gives her the Dream House plus the special edition Pool Boy Ken.
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